


The Only One

by Nikky_the_writer



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-12 11:00:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16871719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikky_the_writer/pseuds/Nikky_the_writer
Summary: Bucky misses Reader after he broke her heart. - AUWarnings: swearing, cheating





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on my Tumblr: @nikky-the-writter

_I met someone_

Those words were still ringing in your head, although you never heard him say them you could hear him in your thoughts. Your heart broke down in a million pieces when you read the letter. It should’ve been a happy day, finally getting his letter after months of silence. He was in the army sent in Afghanistan with his unite and his best friend Steve. You couldn’t understand how could he during all the chaos that he was seeing meet someone. It was too sudden, the other letters were full of love and anticipation to finally see you again and this was cold. It broke you, it made you cry for weeks. You never wrote him a letter trying to find out why would he do that. The only thing you did was placing your engagement ring into the small envelope and sending it to him. After exactly three days in between your crying sessions, you found the courage to pack your stuff and leave the apartment where you used to live with the love of your life. 

Your siblings Wanda and Pietro took you back in into the apartment where you were before you moved in with Bucky. You never told them what he had done, you lied not wanting them to think bad about Bucky.

* * *

_Making breakfast you softly hummed lost in your thoughts. You were happy because the man you love just come back home for two weeks._  
˝What are you doing here?˝ His voice was low as he whispered next to your ear, sneaking his arms around your waist.  
˝We have to eat, Buck.˝    
˝Do we?˝ He asked teasingly placing kisses on your earlobe.  
˝Yeah. Stop it.˝ You giggled as he bit the skin in the crock of your neck.  
˝You don’t sound like you want me to stop.˝ You quickly turned off the stove and turned around to look at him. His hair was a mess, it was sticking everywhere, but you loved it like that, he looked relaxed.   
His blue eyes always made you feel like you were at home. He was your home. You didn’t even realize that you were crying until he wiped your tears with his thumb.  
˝Doll, don’t cry, please.˝ He wrapped his hands around you and kissed you on the top of your head. ˝I love you and I’ll always come back to you. Alright?˝

Always probably doesn’t mean the same to everyone. To some always is forever, to others is until I get bored with you or until I cheat on you, but to him, it was probably until I find somebody else, somebody who is made just for me. 

* * *

Your alarm woke you around 5 am leaving you to lay awake for half an hour before you will have to get up. Usually, you didn’t have the privilege to stay in the bed after 4 so it felt weird to you. Today Wanda suggested that she will get up earlier to prepare everything at the bakery. You and your siblings owned a sweet little bakery around the corner of the apartment you shared. It was the only thing that was left from your mother, while your father was almost as dead as she was. Your father was a complicated man and after your mother died he completely isolated himself. He moved away and only time you talk to him is when he finally picks up a phone after hours of ringing. You miss him, you were all close before your mother died and now at least you had your siblings. 

 

It’s been three months since you got his letter. You would like to say that you were feeling better, but then you would be lying. It just seemed unreal. You never thought that he could do something like that to you when he was well aware what your father did. He knew that you were scared of being abandoned and still he did it to you.  
Wanda told you that it probably hurts more because you don’t have all the answers, but you knew that that wasn’t the reason. You were feeling worse because you missed him. You wanted to see him, to intertwine your fingers with his, but that is not possible anymore. And as you are thinking about that he is probably holding the hand of another woman. Even after he promised you that you are and that you’ll always be only one for him.   
˝Y/N, are you ready?˝ Pietro asked after moving the last cake from the warm environment and into the cooler.   
˝Just a sec.˝ You were putting a few plates back onto their place after washing them. Looking around you saw that you cleaned everything so it was time for you to turn the lights off and to lock up.  
˝Wanda called.˝ He started walking closer to you. ˝She said that pizza is on the way and that we have to hurry or that she’ll eat everything without us.˝  
˝Really?˝ You smiled at your older brother ruffling his blond hair.  ˝Wait….˝ You took a deep breath before putting a serious look on your face. ˝We should really hurry, right? Didn’t she ate it the last time we were late?˝  
Pietro laughed remembering that night. ˝But it’s really weird she never giants any weight. And she doesn’t even run like I do.˝ He exhaled slightly disappointed at what he said because it was the truth. The twins were opposites. Wanda was a bit lazy, but she could eat the whole truck of ice cream and nothing would change while you and Pietro weren’t that lucky. You two would run sometimes in the morning before you go to the bakery and sometimes when you would have a break. You didn’t really want to do it, but your brother was persistent saying that he hates to run alone. His best excuse for dragging you with him was that he was afraid that somebody could kidnap him which is really not believable duo his strong build.  
˝Turn off the light, I just need to grab the keys.˝ Pietro nodded opening doors after it.  
You were feeling tired ready to collapse on your bed and fall asleep, but all of that disappeared when you saw him after turning around from the locked doors. Pietro looked at you concerned standing at your side in front of the bakery. He followed your gaze and then anger started to fill him.  
˝Lets go.˝ You whispered trying not to cry. You turned your gaze from the man on the other side of the street who was staring at you.   
Even from the distance, Bucky could see how much he hurt you, but it was never his intention. Steve told him he made his own choices that he knew what he was doing. He even told Bucky that he didn’t deserve you. Because you were one of those girls, one who is loyal and caring and who would never hurt anyone like Bucky hurt you. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky misses Reader after he broke her heart. - AU
> 
> Warnings: swearing, cheating

˝Wake up! ˝ Wanda yelled shaking your body.

˝Leave me alone.˝ Your head was buried in your pillow so the only thing she could hear was muffled words.

˝We will be late! We have to open, Pete left to do something.˝ She said it more as a question not really sure what he was doing. If she was guessing she would have guessed right, but she wouldn’t bet on it.

˝I can’t.˝ You said through the sob. ˝Why would he do that to me?˝ You asked nobody particular. Wanda lay beside you putting her hands around you.

˝Why don’t you forget about him? He hurt you, sis, I read the letter and Pete too. He is not worthy of your tears.˝

Turning around in her hands you faced her. ˝I just can’t. I wish I could let him go, but…˝ You swallowed the lump in your throat, but before you could say something Wanda spoke.

˝It’s been so long since you broke up and even longer since you have last seen him. Maybe you just need a closure. I don’t want to say it, but maybe you should talk to him so that you can move on.˝

˝If I see him I would just start crying, I would break down in front of him.˝ You sniffled wiping away your tears.

˝You can always call him because I know that you need the answers.˝

˝I don’t need to ask him for them, I can guess. That girl is probably prettier, funnier and much nicer than me. He doesn’t have to tell me that I worth so little to him that he threw me away for someone he just met.˝ You smiled sadly remembering the letter.

˝Don’t say that he probably couldn’t keep it in his pants and that’s it.˝

˝He is not like that.˝ You defended him not even knowing why. You hated him for what he did to you, but one part of you was grateful for it. You hated yourself for thinking that now you won’t have to wait for the letter that said that he has died. But it wasn’t like that, every day you were worried that something has happened to him, you couldn’t let him go.

˝Not like that? Would you ever think that he was capable of doing what he has done to you? Are you fucking blind!?˝ Wanda stood quickly while you sat up.

˝I’m not blind.˝ You said through your teeth with new tears falling down your cheeks.

˝You’ve changed so much!˝ She shouted with tears in her eyes.

You looked away from her not knowing what to say. You were never like this before him, crying over someone who didn’t want you. ˝I..I.˝ Your hands were shaking as you stared at your blue sheets. ˝It hurts.˝

Her heart broke seeing you like that. Since the day when you came back to live with them you would have sudden panic attacks during the night. You wouldn’t be able to sleep after them heavily breathing in the corner of your room. But with time as you tried to cope with everything they became less frequent.

˝Breath, Y/N, just breathe.˝ Wanda sat next to you placing her palms on your shoulders. ˝Look at me and breathe.˝

˝I can’t.˝ You barely spoke not being able to breathe and Wanda start to panic.

˝Look at me!˝ You barely lifted your head. ˝In and out, please breathe, in and out.˝

It took you more than twenty minutes to calm down, while your breathing was still irregular with a few hiccups along the way.  Your eyes were red and puffy and you felt lost in your own room.

˝It’s going to be alright.˝ Wanda continued talking while holding you close. ˝You are going to be alright.˝

Your body was numb when Wanda pulled away. She was already late to the bakery to prepare everything before opening. ˝I have to go.˝ She whispered unsure if she should leave you here alone. ˝I…We…You should shower and then we will go together.˝ She finally said making a decision. ˝Pietro will probably come there later so we are on our own.˝ She didn’t even know if you could hear here duo your sniffling that didn’t stop just as quiet sobs.

˝Yeah…˝ You whispered wanting to forget about everything that happened.

* * *

 ˝Are you alright?˝ Darcy walked into the back room from the counter where you were decorating a wedding cake.

˝If my life went as I was expecting I would already be married and it’s ridicules because I never wanted to get married, but then…˝

˝Then Bucky came. I get it.˝ She slowly approached you glancing at the white cake decorated with red carefully made roses. ˝I don’t know what happened between you, but you should forget about him.˝

˝Would you believe me when I say that you are not the first person telling me that today?˝

˝Who ever told you that is a smart person.˝ She smiled sitting down on the chair beside you.

˝Yeah.˝ You lowered your head for a second, but Darcy didn’t miss it.

˝I know that it seems hard to move on, but it will get easier in time.˝

˝In time? ˝You chuckled. ˝Before yesterday I haven’t seen him for more than eight months, it’s not easier, Darcy.˝

˝He was the one for you. The one that got away.˝

˝I would like to think that, but I wasn’t the one for him.˝ You put the flower down on the table as you felt your eyes watery.

˝What happened to you guys?˝ Darcy loved you and the twins you were best friends since you were kids. She worked with you always helping Wanda in the front with patrons, while you and Pietro would work on cakes. As hard is it to believe you and your brother had the most patience to create perfections.

˝He met someone else.˝

Darcy looked like she could kill someone when you answered her. ˝Are you kidding me?!˝

You just shook your head as she pulled you in for a hug. ˝Don’t worry I will kill him.˝

˝You are forgetting that he is a soldier and a lot taller than you.˝ You murmured into her chest as she held you while you were sitting.

˝You know that short people are pretty dangerous.˝ She chuckled.

˝Hey.˝ Pietro walked inside, it was the first time that you have seen him today

˝Hey, baby.˝ Darcy winked at him, but he seemed very distant. ˝Where were you?˝

˝Just had to deal with something.˝ Pietro quickly said before heading to the table checking the sticky notes and then heading to the freezer.

˝You should talk with Pete, something is bothering him,˝ Darcy told you after Wanda asked her to help her.

* * *

˝What’s going on?˝ You asked Pietro as he pulled his chair to the table helping you with your cake so that you could start working on the other that has to be done for tomorrow.

Pietro didn’t want to delay anything so he went straight to the point.

˝I just got back from Steve’s place.˝

Your faced stayed without any changes not knowing what should you even think about it.

˝I talked to him and then with Bucky.˝ When he mentioned his name you looked away. ˝There are some things that you don’t know. I went there to tell him to stay away from you, but I couldn’t. He just wants to talk to you. He doesn’t want to meet just a phone call.˝

You furrowed your brows at his words. ˝You were so mad at him and now you feel like you owe him something. What happened?˝

˝I’m sorry, but it’s not on me to tell you.˝

˝Is she pregnant?˝ You asked the first thing that came to your mind. ˝Oh, God. That’s it, isn’t it?˝

You waited for a positive answer, but you didn’t get any.

˝Just call him.˝ Pietro said not meeting your eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky misses Reader after he broke her heart. - AU
> 
> Warnings: swearing, cheating

Pietro stayed up all night thinking about what Wanda said. She was probably right that he should talk with Bucky before he shows up again. He just didn’t know what to tell him. If it was a few months ago he would know because he was angry, but when you told him to let it go he did. He always respected your choices even when they weren’t the best, but he was always there for you. He never left your or Wanda’s side after all he was your brother. And as every good brother, he had to protect his sisters even if they don’t want him to do that.

* * *

He was standing in front of Steve’s door. He found out that Bucky moved with him after he got back, but he didn’t know anything else. He was a bit nervous hoping that he won’t got angry when he sees the man who hurt his sister, but deep down he knew that that will happen.  
˝Pietro, what are you doing here?˝ Steve asked moving into the hallway and closing the door of his apartment.  
˝I came to talk to him.˝ Pietro leaned against the wall with his hands in his pockets watching Steve whose gaze was focused on the ground.  
˝That’s not a good idea.˝  Steve said silently wanting for Pietro to leave.  
˝I know, but it’s Wanda’s idea.˝ He shrugged.  
˝Pietro, Bucky is not…˝  
˝What?˝ Pietro asked after Steve stopped himself.  
˝The man who went to battle didn’t come back.˝ Steve whispered trying to stay calm. He was with Bucky when everything went wrong and he blames himself for everything that happened.  
˝What are you talking about?˝  
˝You should keep your distance and your sisters, too.˝ Steve was ready to go back to his place when Pietro stopped him.   
˝You can’t tell me something like that and then just leave.˝  
˝Look, I don’t know what else I can tell you, but I’m not going to let you speak to him.˝ Steve moved his eyes to him for the first time since Pietro saw him.  
˝You can’t let me speak to him, but he can go around fuck other people?!˝ Pietro yelled at him not caring who could hear him. ˝She saw him yesterday. Do you know how hurt she is? She is your friend Steve at least she was. Don’t you care about her?˝  
˝Of course that I care about her. What happened yesterday was a mistake. Bucky had to see her for the final time. He is lost and he needed to see her so that he could calm down, she was always his home, his safe place.˝ He didn’t know what he was doing by hinting that something was wrong with his best friend, but he just wanted you to come see him. He promised Bucky that he will never talk to you about him or to ask you to come to him and right now Steve was debating with himself if he should do that.  
˝He cheated on her! You want for her to feel sorry for him when he told her about another woman in his letter. In the letter that she was waiting for every day. She thought that he died when letters stopped coming. She cried, she even called your general who didn’t want to tell her anything because she wasn’t family, nothing.˝  
˝I know.˝  
˝You know?˝ Pietro came closer furrowing his brow. ˝You knew that she was calling?˝  
˝Yes.˝ Steve looked away ashamed.  
˝She….sh…why wouldn’t you answer her? Why didn’t he tell her that you both were alright? Why wouldn’t you do it?!  
˝Because we weren’t!˝ Steve raised his voice and then they stood in silence both of them unsure what to say.  
Before Pietro could ask something the door of Steve’s apartment opened.

* * *

_Steve was waiting for four hours to find out if Bucky will be alright. He was pacing back and forth in the military hospital losing his mind. He should have been admitted to hospital too, but he refused to until he knows that his friend will survive._  
˝Rogers!˝   
Steve turned around facing his general. ˝General Fury.˝  
˝I heard that you are refusing treatment.˝  
Steve nodded not saying anything.  
˝You are bleeding.˝ General pointed out watching blood that was dripping from under his sleeve over his wrist to the floor.  
˝I know, sir.˝  
˝Rogers, I don’t need you passing out right now when your friend is in surgery. Let the doctors stitch you up and then continue waiting.˝  
Before Steve nodded taking the orders he spoke ˝Sir, did you hear anything about Barnes? Doctors won’t tell me anything.˝  
˝Is for the best that you wait. He will be inside for at least three hours. You should get rest.˝ Fury was ready to leave when Steve spoke again: ˝What happened out there was it planned?˝ He was met with silence so he continued ˝Did you send us there knowing what will happen?˝ Again Fury didn’t say anything. ˝I lost my friends there and if I lose Bucky I will be the only survivor. So, I have to ask if anybody will come for me?˝ Steve asked staring at him.  
˝Captain, the loss of your unite hit everyone. You should know better than accusing me of sacrificing them.˝ Fury left quickly not being comfortable there anymore.  
Steve just stared at the place where he used to stand hoping that his friend will survive.

* * *

_Bucky was lying in the hospital bed for two days not waking up. Steve refused to leave his side not knowing will his friend be safe if he leaves. After everything that happened he couldn’t lose him. He even refused to go back to America without Bucky who will be transported there in three days. He will probably miss the funerals, but he knew that his friends would understand after all they would all die for each other just as the most of them did._  
˝Steve…˝  
Steve looked up at Bucky whose eyes were barely opened. ˝It’s me. You are safe now.˝ He squeezed his hand and Bucky closed his eyes again. Steve didn’t know how will he tell Bucky about everything when he couldn’t accept it.   
˝What happened, Steve?˝ Buckys voice was raspy from the all screaming during past five months.  
˝We came to get you, but they were waiting for us, somebody set us up.˝ Steve spoke without mentioning any of his friends.  
˝Who?˝  
˝I don’t know. Information that we got was too perfect. Guys all agreed to go, but what confused me the most was that General didn’t even ask me for my opinion. He sent us there without even asking me as he usually does.˝  
˝Maybe he likes me that much.˝ Bucky murmured still high from all the morphine that he got.  
˝I hope that’s the reason.˝ Steve whispered.  
˝Where are those idiots?˝ Bucky tried to smile missing all of them.  
˝They are dead.˝ Steve said quickly not knowing if he would have enough courage to tell him as more time passes by.  
˝You should’ve left me to die.˝ Bucky said turning his head to another side.  
˝It’s not…˝ Steve tried to reach towards him, but Bucky spoke.  
˝Get out.˝  
˝Buc..˝  
˝Get out!˝ His voice cracked and Steve got up from his sit. Steve glanced back while walking out seeing Bucky’s body shake as he was crying.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky misses Reader after he broke her heart. - AU
> 
> Warnings: swearing, cheating

You forgot all about dinner and Wanda who was waiting for you. The minute you walked into the apartment you headed towards your room. On your way, you saw Wanda sitting on the leather sofa with a glass of red wine in her hand. She looked at you with a smile and you just lowered your head disappearing from the room. When you reached your bed you didn’t even bother to change your clothes you throw yourself on it. The moment later you found yourself screaming into a pillow.  
You couldn’t understand why would he be there. You couldn’t find any reason. It couldn’t be because of you, he moved on from you.  There were so many thoughts running through your head and finally when you calmed down you fell asleep.

* * *

_˝Piet, I can take this one is just down the street.˝ You said already taking colorful box with the cake inside for somebody’s birthday,_  
˝Lets remember what happened last time…˝ He was already taking the box away from you when you spoke again.  
˝Come on…I didn’t drop anything since then. You know it, everyone knows it.˝  
˝Y/N, you didn’t drop anything because I never let you carry cakes .˝  
˝Please, I need some fresh air.˝ You put your best pleading face and he loosens the grip on the box letting you take it.  
˝But remember if something happens to that cake you should find another place tonight. I worked on it for hours.˝  
˝You are saying it like I didn’t do anything about it. I did more than you… at least 70% percent.˝  
Pietro rolled his eyes and opened the door for you. ˝Be careful.˝  
˝I’m always careful. There is nothing that could distract me from my mission.˝ At least you thought so.  
You walked through the streets carefully observing your surroundings not wanting to fall. Sometimes you were a little clumsy, but if you give your best, the cake will be brought safely to its destination. You knew where you were going, you passed by that house hundreds of times so when you got closer to it you relaxed a bit. You let yourself to walk slower and your thoughts to wander around. If you didn’t, the cake would probably survive. The only thing that you could remember after colliding into something strong were hands that held you close.  
˝Are you alright?˝  
˝Yeah, yea….˝ You were annoyed because you just realized that you dropped the cake. ˝Shit…˝ You swear under your breath turning to look at the man who was still holding his hands on you. You stepped away from him and he quickly dropped his hands from your side. ˝Why would you catch me?˝  
˝I didn’t want you to fall.˝ He chuckled surprised by your reaction.  
˝But you could have saved the cake.˝ You almost screamed still not accepting that the cake is gone. All those hours of work were gone with the cake that sat on the sidewalk.  
˝Well, I didn’t want you to get hurt.˝  
˝It took me longer to make that cake than it took my parents to create me.˝ You scoffed  
He laughs at you and you just stared at him with your hands crossed. ˝You think it’s funny. First, you crush into me and now this.˝  
˝I’m sorry…..Really….I will pay for the cake and everything. I was just distracted, I’m looking for a dog.˝  
Now it was your turn to laugh at him, he didn’t look amused staring at you with his blue eyes. ˝You are looking for a dog? As you lost it or you are just ….˝  
˝He ran away.˝  
˝He probably didn’t like you.˝ You smiled observing his face. He was freshly shaved and his brown short hair was messy probably because of running after the dog.  
˝That’s just harsh.˝  
˝That’s what you get after doing that to my cake.˝ You felt sorry for him, to you dogs meant more than cakes.  
˝I’m really sorry and just for the record, it didn’t run away from me. It ran away from my sister and I really have to find it before I leave.˝  
˝I hope you find it.˝  
˝Me too, I’m Bucky˝ He stretched his hand out for you to shake, but you just stepped back smiling at him.  
˝Nice to meet you Bucky. But there is no time to waste. Your dog is probably somewhere alone.˝  
˝You are not going to tell me your name?˝  
˝Nope.˝ You turned away not looking back.

* * *

Pietro waited, surprisingly calm as the ringing continued. After few more beeps, somebody finally picked up.  
˝Steve, it’s Pietro.˝ He said sitting down next to Wanda.  
˝What happened?˝  
˝Bucky…˝ He sights moving fingers through his hair.  
˝What did he do?˝  
Pietro could hear the worry in Steve’s voice.  
˝I saw him just an hour ago. He was staring at her from across the street. Now, I’m asking you why?˝  
˝Look, I don’t know why was he there, I will talk to him.˝  
˝And what will you tell him?˝ Pietro almost yelled scaring Wanda for a moment.  
˝Pietro don’t worry I will..˝  
˝No, Steve listens to me. He broke things with her over a letter and now after so many months, he comes back. Is he playing with her?˝ He was always protective over you and Wanda and that will never change. He used to be a friend with Bucky while you were with him, but after everything Pietro now hated him.  
˝He is not. He is just….˝  
˝You don’t have to continue because I don’t care what is going on with him. I don’t care, not anymore. Tell him if I see him again near her I wi…˝  
˝Pietro….Alright, I understand. I’ll talk to him.˝ Steve said just before ending the call.

 

˝You should talk to him.˝ Wanda said taking a sip from her glass.  
˝I just…˝  
˝With Bucky. You have to talk to him.˝  
Pietro stood up wanting to escape from that conversation, but Wanda followed him.  
˝Listen to me. She is hurt, she needs closure. If you don’t go tomorrow to talk to him then I will. don’t you think that our sister has suffered enough˝  
Pietro nodded at his sister before she left his room going to yours


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky misses Reader after he broke her heart. - AU
> 
> Warnings: swearing, cheating

Three days have passed by since Pietro told you to call Bucky and you refused to do it. It was an instant decision; you knew that you can’t hear his voice after everything he did to you, although that didn’t stop your finger from hovering above his name in your contacts. Just a second before you would be able to let it fall to the screen you would throw your phone away. And that caused many cracks on it. You decided that you won’t buy a new one because the screen was cracked; it actually made you remember why it was in that condition in the first place. It kept you from calling him, it kept you away from his lies and the pain he caused you. He reappearing in your life didn’t cause your wounds to be reopened because they never had time to heal. You always trusted him and that was the main reason why you wanted to call him. You wanted to hear him explain to you what exactly happened, but for the first time since you met him, you doubted that it would be the truth that he would tell you. 

* * *

˝Did you call him?˝ Wanda sat next to you on the couch grabbing the edge of your blanket to warm herself. Her body was pressed closely to you, stealing your warmth, but you stayed silent, not noticing. ˝Hey˝, Wanda said louder finally getting your attention.

˝Did you say something?˝ You asked tilting your head to the side.

˝Yeah, what were you thinking about?˝

˝You were right.˝ You said turning your body around to face her with your legs pressed closer.

˝I’m right about a lot of things, you have to be more specific.˝ Wanda teased with a smile on her face hoping that it’s something good. The first time in three days you didn’t have that sad look on your face, but something that could be described as a barely visible smile.

˝I should forget about him.˝

Wanda exhaled hearing the determination in your voice. You had never before said that that you actually mean it.

˝I know that I said that many times, but you told me that if someone is that disrespectful that couldn’t even break up with you in person that you should forget that they have ever existed.˝

˝I didn’t say it like that.˝ Wanda furrowed her brow not thinking that is healthy to actually pretend that he was never there.

˝Well, something similar, but it doesn’t matter. I loved him Wan. He was the only person with whom I have thought about having family. He was the one for me. It sounds cliché, but he was supposed to stay with me, however that didn’t happen.˝

˝I understand and I’m glad that you are finally thinking about finding somebody else.˝

˝I didn’t say that.˝ You said quickly, not understanding when she heard you saying something like that.

˝What do you mean?˝ Wanda was left completely confused by your words. Once you would tell her that you will forget, second after you would cry and then scream and then after a few hours you would be back with your initial thought. Now, Wanda knew that you were serious, but not really about what.

˝He is happy Wan and the part of me is actually happy for him. He deserves happiness, clearly not with me, but I will try to forget that what we had has ever existed. I have to put it behind, but I can’t put him behind. I would be lying if I say that I don’t love him anymore because I really do, but not like somebody who could ever have my heart again. I just didn’t want to face the reality this whole time.˝

˝That is actually really mature, coming from you. It kind of surprises me.˝ Wanda giggled pulling the blanket to her side almost taking it all away from you. ˝What will you do?˝

˝I will talk to him. Not about the past, but future. He was my best friend, he won’t be that again, but I want him in my life. I need him in my life. It wasn’t the break up that broke me completely, but it was the lack of his presence.˝

˝But he was always away.˝

˝Yeah, but he always called. He wrote me, he was just there for me although I barely saw him and I need that back. I want to share my stories with him; I want to bake with him. I can’t say that I’m the happiest person because he has someone or that he will maybe be a father, but I am happy. I was just being stupid before, stupid and jealous. He needed somebody else to be the closest to him, he choose her instead of me, maybe I wasn’t enough, maybe I couldn’t give him what he needed, but I still want to be close to him.˝ You said talking slowly. You had tears in your eyes, but they weren’t the tears of sadness they were tears of relief and happiness.

˝Will you call him today? It’s good day to do it. The bakery is closed and we won’t go there for five more hours, you’ll have enough time to process anything that happens.˝ Wanda pulled you closer to her. You were lying with your head on her lap covered with blanket to your chin.

˝I won’t call him. I want to see him. Pietro told me that I should call him in the morning that he is home than. I thought that I should just go there. I don’t know if I will change my mind in last minute, I don’t want him to wait for me.˝

˝What is happening to you? You don’t sound like yourself.˝

˝I know. I spoke with dad.˝

Wanda laughed at you. ˝How could he help you with anything that is not a machine?˝

˝It’s not what he said. When our mom died, he was crushed. Just remember how he would drag himself through the house. We were kids, but I remember. He was so sad and I thought that I will never see him happy again. He didn’t even smile at us.˝

Wanda smiled sadly remembering that time.

˝I want to smile Wanda, I want to be happy again, like dad is now. After he stopped grieving he finally could live again, he even fell in love again.˝

˝Do you want me to come with you?˝

˝No, that is something that I have to do myself.˝

Wanda smiled at you happy that you are finally letting go of your past where you lived for far too long.

* * *

You couldn’t remember when was the last time that you were standing in front of these doors. They were still the same, but so much has changed. Your hands were shaking, it wasn’t because of a bad reason it was because you missed him. You smiled to yourself before knocking. There was a familiar feeling in your heart that made you think that everything will be alright.

You almost screamed when the doors were opening staring at them for too long. When you finally looked at the man before you, you couldn’t suppress your smile, but it faded quickly when you saw the bags under his eyes and the long strands around his not shaved face. He was only peeking through the door not opening it completely. The only thing that you were sure was that he was surprised to see you and you immediately start feeling bad for coming unannounced.

˝Sorry…I, I wanted to call, but I didn’t know that…I can leave if now is not the right time.˝ You said quickly stumbling over your words, and losing the trail of your thoughts.

˝I told Pietro that you should call.˝ He said quietly after a few moments of silence. His voice made him look sad and broken.

˝I thought that you would like to see me. I missed you.˝ You stopped thinking that he will say something, but he didn’t. You at least expected that he will smile at you or hug you, but he didn’t do any of those things. You felt like he was breaking up with you again, but this time in person. What you were feeling was the same feeling that you would feel then if he had ever stood before you.

˝I don’t understand. Please explain me, Buck. It’s been so fucking long since we last saw each other and I have to admit that I expected at least a smile, but no. I got nothing. I’m not asking for you to come back to me, I don’t want that anymore. I didn’t come here to beg you; I didn’t even come for an explanation. I just missed you. You were my friend once.˝

˝Why didn’t you call?˝ He asked like he was completely obvious at your whole speech.

˝What the fuck is going on with you and the fucking phone?!˝ You finally yelled at him. You shook your head staring at the ground feeling like a stranger in front of him.

˝I never said that I want to see you.˝

Your heart cracked a little more at his statement. You didn’t think that he could break you again but he was doing it again. ˝I..I.˝ You couldn’t find anything to say as he was still standing almost completely behind the door. ˝I don’t understand what I did to you Bucky. Not then and not now.˝ He wanted to say something, but you cut him off. ˝I loved you, you made me happy. I stayed with you in your best and worst moments. I held you through the nightmares; I waited for you when you were away I never went to anyone else. I don’t want you to be grateful for it, I don’t need that, I did it because I love you, but you could at least be nice to me in return. I never asked for anything from you, maybe you just didn’t want me there.˝ You took a deep breath whipping the tears from your eyes. You stared at him while his gaze was on the ground. ˝Why did you come to see me that night?˝

˝Because pictures and the letters were not enough.˝ He said silently and you almost missed it while sniffling.

˝Why would they be needed after that letter?˝

˝I just….˝ He stopped glancing your way.

˝I don’t understand you, Buck and I don’t think that you understand what you are doing to me again. I came here with an intention for us to be friends again. I was happy to accept the girl that you met. I’m so pathetic, am I not?˝ You laughed at yourself through the tears. ˝How can I be so desperate for you, you weren’t even that good of a friend.˝

˝I was, I was your best friend.˝

˝And now we are just two strangers in the same building.˝

˝Y/N, I wanted you to ca…˝

˝You and that call again! It’s better to talk in person. If I have called I wouldn’t see that you look like shit.˝

He lowered his gaze again and you cursed under your breath for mentioning it. You knew that look in his eyes. The nightmares were probably still recent. You weren’t even aware when he came back home. ˝Did you got back recently?˝

˝To the base almost four months ago and home month after.˝

˝Well, guys didn’t probably let you sleep in the base…˝

˝They are dead.˝ He quickly whispered.

You stayed in shock. You knew his team, not really well, but enough for it to hurt you. You weren’t surprised that Steve didn’t tell you because you weren’t really keeping in touch.

˝I’m sorry.˝

˝I hear that a lot recently.˝ He said under his breath.

˝I don’t think that we are ready for this.˝ You said stepping away. ˝I thought that we could be friends, but I see that you don’t like that idea. I’m really sorry about the guys, they were really good people. I hope that one day you will..˝ You exhaled…˝Well, I don’t even know what happened to us, but I hope that someday soon you will be able to at least look me in the eyes while we talk.˝

˝I di…˝ He stepped away from the door towards you, but you didn’t look at him stepping away.

˝I wish you all the best. You deserve so much, I’m sorry that I couldn’t give you what you needed, but I hope that she will. I hope that you are happy together.˝ You backed away from him before he could reach you running down the stairs towards the exit.

 

˝What happened?˝ Steve came sating down in front of Bucky on the floor.

˝She came to see me.˝ Bucky was sitting against the door since the moment he closed them after you left.

˝Y/N?˝

˝Yeah, she wan…˝ Bucky closed his eyes trying to calm himself. ˝I told Pietro that she should call.˝

˝Bucky, did you tell her the truth, did she saw y.. ˝

˝It doesn’t matter anymore. She still loves me. How can she still love me after everything I have done to her?˝

˝You lied to her, I don’t even know why.˝

˝Don’t do that! You don’t know why?! You know, so don’t pretend. You would do the same if that happened to you. You wouldn’t want Peggy to stay with you.˝ Bucky stood up from the floor, but Steve stayed down.

˝She would never leave you if you just told her the truth!˝ Steve called after him.

˝I know. That’s why I lied, not giving her any choice.˝ Bucky turned around walking to his room. He sat back on the ground pulling the chain from under his shirt where were his dog tags and the ring you returned to him. He smiled sadly closing his palm around it. It gave him some sort of comfort knowing that you are alright and that you are ready to move on. He was happy for you, although he needed you like never before, he was happy that he is not a burden to you anymore. He wanted you to have someone who didn’t lose his mind in the war like he has. Someone who will protect you and not someone who is afraid of going outside of his room afraid that he could hurt someone.

 

He had you once and he will never forget you, but he knows that he could never be your friend again. He wants to see you every day, but now he will have to be much stronger to stay away from you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sequel: The new beginning


End file.
